November 8, 2010
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It’s very peaceful here on this unknown blog.
illustration by Cassandra Rhodin, SwedenOne of the reasons I eventually abandoned my last one was that I started feeling this enormous pressure to perform. Not that my little blog was ever a fuss. It certainly wasn’t a regular xanga feature, nor did it have thousands of followers or hundreds of comments. But it wasn’t a three sentence “what do you think” blog, either. I put a lot of myself into it and once it started getting a certain level of traffic, it became a very precious fishbowl. I miss it, though. For a few years, it was home.
I don’t handle attention very well. Sometimes I think I want it and I want it and I want it, but as a soon as I get it, I flee. It’s the same with commitment – expectation of any kind, really. I guess it’s good I’m a writer and not a person with a real job.
But now I have to get to the office. And before that, I have to do something about my ridonkulous hair. Which is a surprise, because I would have thought it was a couldn’t miss – giving myself a complicated haircut at home with the kitchen scissors and YouTube instructions.
I wonder what could have gone wrong.
g.
Comments (2)
Hello lovely g. I’m so glad you’re here.
I like the idea of starting something new… Lately, I have a lot of moments where I come here to write (because I miss it a lot sometimes) and then feel sort of paralyzed – not because of any sort of pressure but because for so long it did feel like home and now I feel like my home is elsewhere. You know – metaphorically. But maybe I can write elsewhere, too.
It was so nice to find you here today.
(And all the best to your hair.)
h.
LOL and it’s good to have you back in any incarnation.